Marriage

Well I haven't had much of a chance to write anything in the past week or so. That is mostly because there are certain things I have come to count on in my life. The first is the unexpected. The second is marriage problems. The unexpected (but sweet) part of the last few weeks was the extended visits that my friend's kids made to my house. The three of them are growing up so fast, they are 15, 13, and 11 now, and I've known them since they were 4, 2, and newborn! It was great to have extra kids here. For some reason, I tend to thrive when extra children are added to my list of responsibilities! I don't quite understand that, but I'm not knocking it! That second part of my last few weeks is less than cheerful, although not even the smallest bit of a surprise. Marriage problems. I wonder if there are any couples out there who could proclaim they don't have a single marital issue to argue over. If so, it must be nice. Given that no two people are exactly alike, I doubt that a problem-free marriage exists.

Our problem 'Du jour' so to speak, is quality time. My husbands opinion of quality time together vastly differs from my own. I would love the occasional 'date night' without children, to unwind in an adult setting, a movie, maybe some dinner, time to reconnect without the daily strife of child-rearing 3 youngsters. If however that kind of evening is what I wish, it is up to ME to find a reliable babysitter, it is up to ME to budget the funds needed, it is up to ME to make any and all special arrangements and organize them (tickets, reservations, etc.) For our special valentine's day dinner, that is exactly what I did. That is the LAST time we've been out together as a child-free couple. My darling husband expects that if we are going to spend time together, it is me who will make all the sacrifices, and he who just gets to 'participate'.

I'm not sure he really GETS just what responsibilities a stay-at-home-mom already takes on, but lately an attitude I dislike has surfaced with him. He has taken on an aire of authority in our relationship, where suddenly my moods and socialization habits have to be justified by him. He is obsessed with the fact that I spend time online, to unwind after a long day chatting with other mothers. He has even gone so far as to blame the Internet for our marriage problems. I tend to disagree, since we have only had Internet access back a few weeks, and in our almost three years of marriage, have never NOT had problems of one sort or other.

So here I am again, on the Internet, trying to sort out all the mysteries of a happy marriage without actually talking to my husband about it. At this point I'm wondering if most men are even built for the complexities of a good marriage. Are there men out there who can form a true partnership with women, who's opinions are both equal and valid at all times? I know that at this point in my life, I do NOT need a 'parent'. Someone to tell me what I can and cannot do is irrelevant, since I have a long history of rebelling against authority figures. I can already see the rebellion starting. Quite possibly it's already in its infancy, therefore explaining why our issues seem to be growing rather than shrinking. One thing I know for certain is that I am a strong and capable woman. If its necessary, I will do this whole parenting small children job on my own. I will not lose my independence or voice simply because of my current SAHM position.

I love my husband. However I have decided that if he does not love me enough to work a way through our problems, a way that doesn't have either of us losing who we are as individuals, then maybe this particular marriage isn't worth saving. Stay tuned, this is definitely a continuing saga!