The Real Story of the WalMart Slasher Guy

Mark started off as a normal 20-something year old, and was offered a great job at his local WalMart, as a greeter. He took his job extremely seriously, even as his friends usually cracked jokes about him. He was so impressive as a greeter, that he was quickly promoted to 'check-out guy'. He was very diligent in that role as well, impressing even the most hostile of customers with his efficiency. He was truly a rarity among WalMart employees.
Everything was going well on Halloween Night 2001. Mark had taken over a shift from an employee who wanted to attend a big Halloween party. The evening neared 8pm. There were quite a few customers running in and out, searching for last minute costumes or grabbing what was left of the candy for the trick-or-treaters.

Mark was working his till with his normal cheerfulness, when a haggard old woman appeared in his lane. He was not taken back by her appearance, as he had seen it all in his years of WalMart employment. She had a nasty look on her face, and her wild hair was only half tamed by a hot pink scrunchie. She had somehow managed to squeeze her rather large frame into a pair of purple spandex leggings, and completed the outfit with an XXL T-shirt sporting the phrase "You Know You Want Me". You have to give Mark credit for the ability to keep a straight face. He rang up her purchases with a kind smile on his face to contrast her scowling one. As she loaded her bags into her cart and started to leave the store, Mark noticed she had a box of Halloween candy resting in the bottom of her cart. He knew immediately he had not scanned it, therefore knowing she had not paid for it.

The idea of someone taking advantage of his place of work filled him with a bit of a rage he had yet to experience, and decided he could not stand idly by and watch her leave with stolen merchandise.
"Excuse me, Ma'am!" he called to Ms Purple Spandex Lady.
She didn't turn around, instead began to waddle faster.
"Wait, you did not pay for that candy!" Mark yelled futilely, as she neared the doors.
Determinedly, he locked down his till and gave chase. As he reached the parking lot and looked around the mostly empty spaces, he spied an empty cart in the middle of a nearby parking spot. He didn't think she could have driven away so rapidly, and continued to look for any sign of movement. Suddenly an engine gunned to his left, and he saw a flash of headlights as he turned to look. Unfortunately for Mark, Ms Spandex was not only fast for her large size, she was driving a rather big Xterra, and had it aimed right for him!

There was nothing he could do, his body just refused to react fast enough as that beastly vehicle closed the small gap between them. As he was hit full-force, he heard a ghastly cackle from a voice that yelled "And I didn't return my cart either!!!"

That was not the end for Mark however. Every Halloween, he stalks different WalMart stores, all over the world. He preys on those who don't pay for all their purchases, those who don't return their carts, and he has a special hatred for scrunchies and spandex. So beware this Halloween, if you need to make a last minute purchase, please shop with care. He is watching!