The Final Decision

Everyone, at some point, has issues and problems they'd rather not deal with. Most people take things day by day, and some even minute by minute. Unfortunately, the less you deal with a problem, the more it tends to build up. So now I feel as though I am dealing with a most painful issue that is by now comparable to the mighty Empire State Building. Tonight is the night to deal with it once and hopefully for all.

All my life, I wanted friends. True friends I could count on for anything, people who could count on me just the same. When I moved to BC eleven years ago, I felt like one of the luckiest people ever. Here was this big group of amazing people, who welcomed me with open arms, practically no questions asked. For all of my twenties, I thought my group was the best. We've lived it up through so many weddings and countless birthday parties. Some of us even survived as roommates. We've cried together during memorials and funerals, and even suffered through the death of a friend from our very group. I was under the impression that we'd all be there for each other no matter what. Unlike most fairytales however, real life can be a bitch.

Are there deal-breakers in true friendship? I have always thought so. Somehow deep in my subconscious, I always figured things like rape, child abuse, and murder were most definitely friendship no-no's. That was, until the unthinkable did actually happen. Someone I was once incredibly close to was caught, charged, plead guilty to AND convicted of child abuse. This situation was so unbelievably close to my heart that I didn't think anything could possibly hurt so much. I don't think you even have to be a parent to see how incredibly wrong it is. I just cannot, under any circumstances, remain friends with someone who could commit such horrible acts against a little child.

I'm not sure what possessed me to believe that those in the group would feel the same, but that is what I thought. So here I am, hurting once again, because people from the group are now advocating for the child abuser. Its like pouring salt in a still-opened wound. In my pain-wrenched heart, I wonder, if one or two from the group could be swayed to become friends again with said abuser, what's to stop the rest of them? I don't trust my judgement anymore, and I cant stand to hear of someone else falling for such obvious evil. So, here's where the 'dealing with the issue at hand' comes in. I do not from this point forward, consider myself a part of any group of friends. I still keep an unwavering faith in a few people, but aside from them, and they know who they are, I am done. I never thought I'd see the day where I had to turn my back on so many people I love. I think it must be some kind of survival instinct, however it doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't mean I'm never going to be hurt again, but that ideal group of friends no longer exists. Its a painful lesson in human nature. Nevertheless, these people, this group, they don't define me. I define myself, and I am strong enough to stand alone for what I believe in.